2023 Soundwave with Zartan and Zarana

It has been one year since Hasbro announced the 2022 Stinger.  It was a surprise vehicle with limited quantities offered on Pulse.  It shipped fairly quickly after the announcement.  To this day, though, we do not know where the rest of the Stinger production run ended up.  A lot were shipped to Europe.  But, I do think there's still stock out there since Hasbro has been open about how badly their warehouses are stuffed full of unsold merchandise.

But, finally, after a full 12 months of speculation on the death of o-rings, Hasbro finally offered up a new product.  It was the long rumoured Soundwave who transforms into the Thunder Machine.  It's pretty likely that Hasbro designed the Soundwave back when they thought the o-ring line might have a modicum of success.  But, after the retail disaster that was both Megatron and Bumblebee, it's unlikely any retailers were willing to subsidize another shelf clogging disaster that also came with a stupidly high price.

But, it now seems that retailers are now once again willing to work with Hasbro to get this long suffering product to retail.  And, you can now order this Soundwave along with an o-ring Zarana and Zartan for a whopping $100.  After tax and shipping, you're going to spending a lot of money on two carded o-ring figures.  But, I think it's a lot better to get two of them than just one like we did with the 2022 toys.  I just want high quality figures that command that premium price

As to the toy itself, the Thunder Machine doesn't make much sense.  Historically, Dreadnok themed toys don't do very well among collectors.  Aside from that, though, the Thunder Machine isn't really even a top 10 iconic Joe vehicle.  They're pretty easy to find and not terribly expensive.  So, seeing a remake is weird and out of left field.  But, we haven't seen one in nearly 4 decades.  So, from that perspective, it's OK.  I'm just disappointed that they didn't make it in different colors.  A Thunder Machine in Sears Stinger colors would have been awesome.  But, I don't need another one in the same colors as the original.

It's the figures, though, that are so disappointing.  One, we've seen both Zartan and Zarana multiple times since the vintage days.  I'd really rather have molds that weren't repainted in the 2000's.  (And, in the case of both these figures, hit MASSIVE clearance during that time.)  But, they are characters that people tend to like.  And, they are both good names that might help move the toys.  But, the renders from the release are not great.  

To begin with, the figures have painted heads.  Those are terrible.  They suck and ruin any figure.  We need flesh plastic heads, not pink painted versions that will wear and chip with the slightest use.  After that, though, there are other positives and negatives.  

Zarana finally features the arm tattoo that was removed from the figure in 1986.  I can't tell if they added the flesh colored paint under her ripped pants as the 1986 figure also intended.  It's a nice vintage homage.  But, the rest of Zarana is pretty much the same as the original.  Her black gloves, though, go all the way up to her elbow joints.  With the juxtaposition of black gloves versus flesh upper arms, it's painfully obvious that this is cost savings move on a $100 toy.  I'd accept black elbows on $4 Funskool figures: not on $20+ figures geared for collectors.  Zarana's head also isn't great.  It's like they tried too hard on it.  We'll see if the final product is better.  But, we have yet to see renders undergo massive improvements prior to release.

Zartan features a face with paint that based on his cartoon appearance.  But, sadly, it looks too much like Kiss makeup.  The upside is that the figure will include with backpack and face mask along with an update on his original pistol.  So, that's an improvement.  But, the colors on his chest plate are a combo of his 1984 (that really worked) and his 2005 (that didn't work) colors.  Again, for a $5 figure, this is fine.  For a massively expensive collectible, this really isn't.  The figure should be a perfect rendition of Zartan.  Not something that's indistinguishable from a $3 comic pack figure.

So, as you can tell, I'm not a fan of this item.  I can't abide by Transformers being seen as integral to Joe.  I don't want a $60 Transformer that is unsellable on the secondary market.  So, in end, I'm paying $50+ for two figures that are deeply flawed.  After the disappointing quality on the Skystriker figures, I'm really fed up with paying premium prices for quality that was poor when the figures cost a fraction of their current price.  

Sadly, it seems there are at least two more of these in some stage of development.  A MOBAT/Optimus Prime with Hawk and a TTT with Sgt. Slaughter are the names.  We'll see if they come to be.  I don't see this item being a huge seller, especially with it being available at every obscure online store in the world.  But, the historic failure of the first two Transformers didn't preclude another being made.  I'm at a point where I'd rather have no o-ring Joes than poor quality figures that are included with a toy line in which I have interest and have to pay a premium to acquire.

1986 Dreadnok Thunder Machine

In early 1986, a kid in my younger brother's class brought a bag of newly found G.I. Joe figures to the playground.  It contained a cornucopia of brand new 1986 figure releases that he had found at Target.  I convinced my mother to take us to Target a few days later, only to find all the new Joes sold out.  As we shopped in other parts of the store, though, my younger brother found a random Dial Tone sitting on a shelf.  This lead to an unhealthy jealousy of my brother and his Dial Tone figure.  It also lead to an even more unhealthy obsession to find any all newly released G.I. Joe toys that I could.  Within a few days, I found a Devilfish at the local KB.  I paid too much for it just to get the catalog included so that I could be the first to see all the new 1986 releases.  A few weeks later, before I could even find any other figure, I found the Dreadnok Thunder machine at the same KB toy store.  The higher price was difficult to swallow.  But, it was a cool looking vehicle and would give me my first 1986 figure.  So, I plunked down the money and took home my new prize.

By 1986, the Dreadnoks were not a huge part of my collection.  While they had some nice runs in the comics and I did find the character fun, all of my figures had been acquired in late 1984.  By early 1986, all of those figures had considerable wear, were broken, or were missing accessories.  As 1986 wore on, the Dreadnok figures slowly became nameless goons who fulfilled various terrorist or criminal roles rather than being Cobra operatives.  The 1986 entries to Zartan's clan (Zarana, Zandar, Monkeywrench and Thrasher) though, did find roles within Cobra.  But, they were capable villains rather than an independent movement loyal to Zartan.  For a short time, the Thunder Machine was their vehicle of choice.  But, I slowly found that only Zandar was a really useful villain and the other members of the Dreadnoks faded into the background.  The Thunder machine, though, had more potential.  By the fall, my adventures had shifted to G.I. Joe constantly being under attack by superior Cobra forces.  Joe bases were always under threat of a massive assault from legions of the Cobra army.  Cobra rarely wasted tons of Vipers or Crimson Guards on the attack, though.  Joe bases were heavily fortified.  Cobra needed a vehicular assault to pave the way for an infantry invasion.

To start, these convoys were comprised of Hiss Tanks and Stuns.  Hiss Tanks, though, were old hat to me.  I had owned them and used them as Cobra's primary vehicle for three years.  Stuns were newer and more fun.  But, they had limitations.  The large cannons were imprecise: especially when shooting after highly trained Joes who were capable of deft maneuvering.  This opened the door for the Thunder Machine.  Instead of a unique Dreadnok vehicle, I found the Thunder Machine useful as a standard Cobra attack vehicle.  The dual gatling cannons were the perfect anti-infantry weapons and provided Cobra with the missing element to their attack.  Thunder Machines could make Joes duck for cover while Stuns and Hisses advanced.  Of course, they had downsides.  Thunder Machines' weapons only pointed forwards, limiting their attack options.  And, the guns would be out of ammo after a few seconds.  So, Thunder Machines always had to return to base for re-supply.  But, the heavy armor on the vehicle made it less susceptible to small arms fire.  And, the drivers were more protected than and Stun of Hiss operator could ever dream.  These factors made them vitally important to Cobra success.

I had a broken thumb Viper who ended up the main driver of the Thunder Machines.  And, for several months, they roared over the dark green carpeted hallway to my room.  There was a single step down into the actual bedroom and this was where Joe's line of defense was concentrated.  Thunder Machines would rip apart the weaker fortifications.  But, the old Kenner Tie Fighter wings that guarded the entrance were strong enough to withstand the barrage.  And, from here, Low Light would attempt to snipe away the drivers in hopes of lessening the storm of bullets that Thunder Machines could deliver.

At some point in my childhood, my youngest brother got an A-Team tank from Galoob.  The all black tank looked decent as a Cobra weapon, even if it was somewhat undersized.  (Though it did work well for original Cobra Troopers and Stinger Drivers.)  At some point, I removed the cannon from the turret and replaced it with the gatling cannons from the Thunder Machine.  (They actually kind of fit and didn't fall out too easily as long as you didn't move them.)  This created a formidable anti-infantry tank that Cobra used for some time.  I found the A-Team tank with extra Thunder Machine guns in our old toy box in the mid 1990's.  At some point, I'd like to re-acquire one of those A-Team items to remake that old tank since it was a decent memory of my late Cobra army.  

Now, though, the Thunder Machine sits in a box.  I have better Cobra vehicles to use.  And, the look of the vehicle is just too tied to the Dreadnoks.  The Thunder Machines main value is that it's an excellent display piece.  The toy itself is cool enough.  But, you can kind of see the driver and passenger in the cockpit.  And, you can fit most of the Dreadnoks on the footpegs on the sides.  For the footprint it takes up, the Thunder Machine offers excellent display value since it can showcase a good number of figures.  So, you often see Thunder Machines in Dreadnok displays for this reason alone.

The Thunder machine had an interesting life.  After the U.S. release, a similarly colored Thunder Machine was released by Estrela in Brazil.  After that, though, the mold ended up in Venezuela where Rubiplas released a purple and brown Thunder Machine.  This is one of the most famous rare vehicles in the line and a nicely conditioned version can cost up to $1,000 or more.  The mold then got back to Hasbro who released it in the Street Fighter line, with some modifications.  From there, the Thunder Machine was sent to India where Funskool released it for several years in various color variations: some more blatant and a few substantially more rare than others.  Again, the right Funskool Thunder Machine can cost a substantial amount.  The mold went out of production in India and disappeared before American dealers started bringing over Funskool vehicles in the early 2000's.  Had it been available, the Funskool Thunder Machine would have likely been one of the two or three most popular vehicle repaints of that era.  The mold never appeared again.  And, while it might have been fun to see it in colors that matched the Sears Stinger, it's not really a vehicle that requires a lot of repaints.  The original is good enough and works for either the Dreadnoks or Cobra.

Dealers will ask $100 or more for a mint and complete Thunder Machine.  Left to their own devices, though, you can get them in the $40-$50 range.  There's plenty of stock out there from which to choose, though.  If you sacrifice the antenna or steering wheel, the price drops quickly.  Dreadnoks have a solid fan base.  Though, it's probably more vocal than it's size warrants.  But, the green vehicles tend to be a bit more popular among collectors.  The Thunder Machine is one of those vehicles that's simply a staple.  If you have Dreadnoks to display, the Thunder Machine is the best way to do it.  So, the vehicle always has value in that regard.  For me, though, its time has passed and the Thunder Machine provides a good memory, if it never leaves the shoebox that it now calls home.