This profile is a little different. It's not about a figure. It's not about any particular release of G.I. Joe ephemera. It is, instead about a weapon. Not just any weapon, mind you, but a magnificent weapon around which I developed an intricate story. The gun itself isn't all that special in terms of design. Really, the only thing it has going for it is that it's big. The Joe line is full of lots of large weapons: some more realistic and useful than others. But, this one weapon had the fortune of being in the right place at the right time. And, as such, it is one of the very few accessories around which I built a story line. One of the things that kept G.I. Joe so relevant to me is that I was able to expand or contract the story at any given time. But, the diversity in the line allowed me many avenues of play to explore. In the course of that, I developed the idea of the Celtic Boar.
I got Iceberg in the summer of 1986. He was of little use to me in the summer. So, he evolved into a high ranking Joe who rarely left the Snow Cat. When he did, though, he brought out his highly powerful and deadly accurate rifle. Iceberg's included weapon was comically large. So, I saw it as something special that few people would carry. As 1986 turned to 1987, my Joe world took a different tact. Now, the world was full of criminals and outlaws who were loyal to neither Joe nor Cobra. But, could be hired by either. Slowly, these groups formed integral parts of my ongoing Joe saga. I'd have to come up with various plot devices to involve them, though. Often, they'd run guns, secret battle plans or stolen money or treasures. They would build out hodge podge vehicles that were scraps from older, broken toys. And, the figures would be combinations of releases I didn't care for, figures that were badly worn or broken and kitbashes of various leftover parts from when I made good looking customs that supplemented my Joe team. These ragtags, though, could be effective. And, when properly utilized, could do things that changed the course of the Joe vs. Cobra conflict.
This all lead to the Celtic Boar. It was the name I gave to Iceberg's rifle. The Celtic Boar was an impossibly powerful and accurate weapon. It had a range of over two miles: making it an overpowered and dangerous weapon for assassinations. With it, a person could kill Hawk or Cobra Commander from so far away that they'd get away cleanly. There were only a handful made before they were deemed illegal and forever forbidden. Iceberg, being high enough ranked, was able to grandfather in his possession of the weapon. No one else, though, could. Soon, Celtic Boars became incredibly valuable contraband. Cobra wanted them for anonymous assassinations. The Joe team wanted them off the market. And, the criminal syndicates wanted them for the well paying work that would come their way with the possession of a Celtic Boar.
It was actually the grey version of Iceberg's weapon that was included in the 1987 Battle Gear pack that gave rise to the story. The less environmentally specific coloring made the weapon more useful to me. But, it could be a thumb breaker. So, I was reticent to use it with my top flight figures. But, this accessory became a legendary part of my collection. Cobra was able to murder a few politicians in the US by subcontracting the killings to underworld cartels. So, the Joes became an investigative unit hell bent on finding the remaining Celtic Boars that were available in the world. So, for a period of 1987, my Joe adventures entirely revolved around various Joe teams trying to find bands of outlaws who had the weapons in their possession. Of course, this would end in chases through the city or high speed races on country roads. The criminals had an advantage in that the Celtic Boar could cripple most Joe vehicles that were capable of any speed. And, it was deadly should anyone get hit with a bullet fired from the weapon. (I imagined that if a .357 Magnum could leave an exit wound the size of a frozen pot pie, thanks to Larry Hama's usage of the phrase in the comic, then a weapon like the Celtic Boar would simply blow a person in two or remove limbs if anyone was unlucky enough to be hit by a bullet it fired.) So, the Joes had to be very careful when chasing down criminals in possession of the weapon.
The one limitation I put on the rifle, though, was that ammunition for it was also banned and very expensive. Often times, the possessors of a Celtic Boar did not have the ammunition to fire out of it. And, if they did, individual bullets cost thousands of dollars. So, it wasn't something to wantonly waste during their attempted escapes from the law. Usually, the Joes ended up killing the bad guys in the chase. But, there were times when the perpetrators were taken alive. Then, they would go off to prison for the rest of their lives, maybe even be executed as the ownership of such a weapon as the Celtic Boar warranted that type of punishment. More than a few times, nameless characters (such as those portrayed by the Mission to Brazil figures) would perish in their pursuit of a Celtic Boar. Often, this would give the criminals who murdered them names and reputations. With that, not even Cobra would touch them based on the heat any association with them may bring. This would give me some villains that were not Cobra who could stand against my Joes and help keep the conflict from growing stale.
When the weapons were captured or destroyed, they were marked off a list of known weapons that were manufactured. In an interesting bit of characterization, though, I had a couple of well respected Joes keep one of the weapons that they captured. Flint and one of my custom characters were both growing older and less involved in field operations were the most prominent. In my world, they were rich men. Both of them kept a Celtic Boar for their private collections and kept them under lock and key in their secluded East Coast estates. (Remind me to some day write about the "Family Antiquities Act" and how that law helped shield rich and successful people like Flint from the same consequences of owning illegal items that ordinary people would face. Yes, I actually created a different code of laws for my Joe world. I was/am a nerd.) So, at times when the Joes needed something like a Celtic Boar and Iceberg was not available or would not go along with the mission, the Joes could get access to one without having to scrape the underworld for one of the missing weapons.
In this story, you can see many of the influences that shaped my world in the late 1980's. My Joe world featured history and familial patriarchy that was similar to that still found in Europe. The ability of the rich and powerful to skirt laws were a result of things like Iran-Contra and the financial scandals of the day coming to light. And, the existence of powerful criminal syndicates were a function of the propaganda spread in the various "Just Say No" campaigns that kids of my age were subjected to. It all evolved into a rich world full of stories to tell. If I wanted straight military, I could get it. But, if I wanted something a little different, the Joe line offered me the flexibility to make it happen.
Today, the Celtic Boar is just a relic of my childhood. The 1987 grey Iceberg weapons sits in a plastic sandwich baggie with some Sgt. Rock bazookas, Corps! rifles and other, oddball accessories that had accumulated in my collection by the mid 1990's. Every now and then, I'll see it and am reminded of the adventures which centered around the weapon. But, neither that weapon nor the original from the 1986 Iceberg retain any real place of importance in my collection. But, that's OK. It allows me to remember some fun times. The dark green carpet of my bedroom remains vivid in my memory. I can still recall the placement and color of all the furniture in that room, even though it's been 35 years since it existed. Things like the Celtic Boar remain mnemonic devices to help cement the memories of the mundane. Just writing out this profile reminded me of various parts combinations who comprised the figures of the various smuggling cartels.
The upside to the 1987 Battle Gear is that the weapon coloring wasn't terrible...at least for some of the weapons. This Iceberg rifle is dark grey. It really doesn't mesh with Iceberg due to this color. But, the grey is far better for other figures than the white version from Iceberg. Other weapons in this set that feature the grey color are the 1986 Viper rifle (which quickly found itself with the Motor Viper) and the Beach Head machine gun. There were some pistols, too, which also found themselves being used by the various bad guys. There was also brown gear. Some of this was nice. And, I used the Leatherneck gear with the Mission to Brazil figure as it both fit and allowed me to give the 1986 a grey Leatherneck rifle that I thought looked great with him. There's some weird cream colored gear, too. In the grand scheme of things, the weapons in this set were about as useful as those from other years. But, the greys, of which this Iceberg rifle is a part, are about the most useful, non-original color that gear like this could use.
Battle Gear weapons remain among the least desired and cheapest accessories to acquire. You are starting to see 1983 Battle Gear parts gain some appreciation in price just due to their similarity to the originals. And, for many collectors, these weapons remain a useful way to augment their gearless figures from 1982 and 1983. There are a few, select parts from later sets that have some popularity. And, the fact that many of the 1984 and 1985 pieces are useful with factory customs from Red Laser's Army has made some of the helmets and oddly colored visors more desired than their contemporaries. Generally, though, you can still get these pieces cheaply. Since the colors tend to clash with their intended figures and not really integrate with other releases of their time, though, most of the gear will never really have the desirability of original pieces. The legacy of Battle Gear is that it was an innovative concept that probably helped kids get more weapons and assisted parents and relatives who wanted to give a cheap gift. But, the odd colors and weapon choices left the concept as one that was underutilized and could have been better executed.
