My Least Favorite Accessories

The Joe line is nothing but a string of classic, amazing toys.  There isn't a year of the vintage line that doesn't have a treasure or two.  And, frankly, the same is true of the repaint era.  But, mingled among the awesomeness of the designs are some duds.  And, they start from very early on.  So, this time around, I'll be looking at my least favorite accessories from the Joe line.  To be fair, I'm going to limit some of the JvC era weapons and gear.  Because, that time frame did get a lot wrong.  And, you'll see that some of my dislike of vintage weapons was reinforced and even augmented by those weapons overuse in the 2000's.  

1984 Baroness Rifle

So, I've disliked the Baroness' rifle since 1984.  When my younger brother got her in the early part of that year at a Value City Department store (I got Firefly!), I didn't know much about the character.  But, they had three new figures and he chose the Baroness over Roadlock.  (My youngest brother got Roadblock.)  When we got the figures home, Firefly's amazing gear amplified one of the best figures in the line.  Roadblock's gear was an amazing feat of engineering that magnified an otherwise mundane figure into an all time classic.  And Baroness' gear...well...it sucked.  Her overly large rifle simply didn't work.  And, it was just that it wouldn't fit with the slightly smaller female form used for the Baroness.  It didn't fit any other figure, either.  From the small handle to the oversized stock, the gun was simply not one that worked well with any figure.  And, when you contrast this to how amazing the rifle looked on the Baroness cart art, it was impossible to reconcile the differences.  What should have been awesome was just worthless in actual plastic form.  And, when the comparisons that circumstances dictated would be against Firefly and Roadblock gear: Baroness' rifle simply stood no chance.

As her gun wasn't up to snuff, the Baroness figure fell to a similar fate in my collection.  Back in the mid 1980's, it wasn't common to have extra accessories lying around.  So, it wasn't like I could give the figure a spare Destro pistol.  Battle Gear did help this...to a point.  But, I never liked the pairing of the blue pistols from the 1984 Battle Gear set with the all black Baroness figure.  Plus, since her rifle stretched out her hands, she couldn't even hold the Destro pistol.  So, the Baroness became an afterthought.

Fast forward to the repaint era.  The first two uses of the Baroness mold included her classic weapon.  And, I'm OK with this.  While the rifle sucks, it was iconic to the Baroness.  So, including it with her wasn't terrible.  The softer plastic of the 1997 and later figures also allowed the figures to better hold the weapon.  So, it had a slight redemption arc.  But, then, inexplicably, Hasbro fell in love with the rifle and started including it with many other figures.  The worst example of this was the Viper figures in Waves 1.5, 2 and 7.75.  People army built these Vipers en masse.  And, they were stuck with terrible, terrible weapons that didn't really work with the figure and weren't even close approximations of the Viper's classic weapon's look.  

And, I ended up with dozens of rifles that were useless.  When you take something you dislike and circumstances dictate you acquire an absurd, additional among of that something...well...that dislike to turns to spite and then outright hatred.  So, there's no salvation for the Baroness' rifle.  It's going to hold my least liked accessory spot until the bitter, bitter end.

1982 Grunt M-16

What!  Yes, I know this is an affront to the very essence of the Joe line.  But, I've never been overly fond of the original M-16 that came with Grunt.  From the beginning, it was a thumb breaker with a thick, round handle and a short, fat stock.  It was, easily, my least favorite accessory from the original 13 figures.  And, time hasn't been kind to it at all.  

My biggest example of why Grunt's gun sucks is that in 1985, Hasbro made a far better M-16 that was included with Footloose.  This weapon was everything the original rifle was not.  And, it forever rendered Grunt's weapon obsolete.  Grunt's M-16 can really only be used by 1982 and 1983 figures.  Anything released after that is just out of scale for the accessory.  If you think about the timeframe, the M-16 should have been the de facto standard for all G.I. Joe figures.  Instead, this role fell to Snow Job's XMLR.  The original M-16 just didn't work well with figures.  Grunt gets a bit of pass since it was his.  But, when you realize how good all the original figures look with Stalker's M-32, the limitations of the M-16 become even more apparent.  I've never gone out of my way to pick up spare copies of this accessory like I have for every other weapon released with the original 13 figures.  It just isn't something I find value in.

1988 Voltar's gun:

I very much dislike this weapon.  It's not the gold color.  Instead, it's just the overall design.  And, the fact that it can't decide if it's a pistol or a rifle.  In general, I'm not a fan of larger weapons that lack stocks.  They are hard for the figures to hold.  And, they always pose awkwardly.  As a kid, I wanted to like Voltar's weapon because it was new.  But, as I was older and out of Joes when my brother brought it home, my critical eye was more fine tuned.  And, the weapon never clicked with me.

In the 1990's, the weapon found tons of reuse on various weapon trees.  It was always a disappointment to get a cool, new figure and find out one of his weapons was from Voltar.  In fact, I have quite a few trees (or, I did, until the dog ate them!!!) where the Voltar weapon was still attached even after I had removed all the other accessories.  I simply didn't care for the weapon and would rather have old, beat up figures with no weapons than take the time to give them the spare Voltar weapons that I had on the trees.  I loathe the weapon to this day and don't use it with any of the 1990's army builders who included it among their gear complement.  It always looks weird and detracts from any figure holding it.

1991 Grunt Rifle

Hmmm, Grunt appears twice in this list.  I wonder if there's something there in my subconscious about the character.  Or, if Hasbro just misfired on his various weapons.  It's probably not Grunt, though.  As, my introduction to this weapon was on the 1993 and 1994 weapon trees that I tracked down in the mid 1990's.  At the time, I loved the "new" weapons that I found on these trees.  Having missed most of the 1988-1992 Joes, all of his gear seemed like it was newly designed for the figures with which it was included.  There were so many good weapons.  But, this overly large weapon that had debuted with the 1991 Grunt was not one of them.  It was too large, difficult for figures to hold in cool ways and just a blocky, uninteresting design.  I loved having overly powered weapons during this time.  But, I could never reconcile this Grunt gun.  And, it seemed like every 1993 figure I bought included it.  So, I had a ton of them and couldn't use them.

This weapon's appearance also made me realize that one of the reasons why I had this weapon and Voltar's weapon so much was because they were so ubiquitous in my mid 1990's purchases.  At the time, the extra weapons from the trees were appreciated because I had a shoebox of dingy figures who lacked accessories.  The trees solved for that.  But, when I got duds like this Grunt rifle, it was a wasted slot and my older beaters couldn't be weaponized for use against my new acquisitions.

2003 Chief Torpedo Rifle

Be honest...you had no idea what rifle was even included with this figure until you went to the photos below.  And, in full transparency, I'm not 100% sure if the weapon actually debuted with this Torpedo figure.  I didn't want to expend the energy to be certain.  It was included with a ton of  figures in the 2000's and is available in a multitude of colors  Regardless, I despise this weapon.  The reasons, though, are more nuanced.

At its core, this weapon, actually, isn't bad.  The detailing is amazing.  The scale is right on: even for vintage figures.  It's a rifle/grenade launcher combo without being too overt.  In short, it should be great.  And, that's what makes it so maddening.  This was one of Hasbro's best efforts on newly designed weapons through 2003.  But, it had a fatal flaw that rendered it useless.  It didn't have a stock that allowed for a figure to actually hold it.  So, every time you want to use it, it flops around in the figure's hands.  And, the end result is just a ridiculous looking pose where the weapons is about to fall to the ground.

So, you got this amazingly sculpted, new weapon that was included with a ton of figures, but had no practical uses at all.  To this day, I cringe when I see this weapon  being used with figures.  It just looks so out of place.  I look back at that era and wonder what might have been.  Imagine the Neo-Viper's AK-47(ish) rifle, but with the level of sculpting and detail you see on this Chief Torpedo gun.  It might have competed for the best accessory in the line.  But, that wasn't meant to be.  There are some decent accessories from the JvC era.  But, this wasn't one of them.

Honorable Mentions:

1985 Tomax and Xamot pistol

The 2000's lead me to despise this weapon.  The pistol is comically large, doesn't look good with most figures and is out of scale for the figures with which it was always included.  But, you know who it does work perfectly with?  Tomax and Xamot.  As a kid, I loved this weapon for them.  I would only use it with them and they would only use  it.  To this day, Tomax and Xamot occupy a place in my display case: both with raised pistols to show them off.  So, you can't really have the Crimson Twins without the pistol.  And, I love it for them.  But, I HATE it for any other figure.

1990 SAW Viper Rifle

We now know that Hasbro screwed up the scale on this weapon.  And, it was not intended to be as large as it was.  It's still terrible.  And, there's really no redeeming it.  But, at least it was a production screw up instead of an intentional design.  Again, though, this weapon is made worse by the differences between it and the portrayal of the SAW Viper in various media.  In the comic, the SAW Viper loomed large for about a year.  He was always drawn  with more realistic weapons that made him look like a bad ass.  While the figure doesn't quite live up the comic image, either, the weapon included with the figure is a colossal  letdown.  Even in a smaller scale, it just  didn't live up to the visuals from the comic.  Fortunately, much better machine guns did come out, later.  So, if you can find some of those, they are a drastic improvement for the SAW Viper.

2004 Comic Pack Hawk Pistol

If you look at my list of favorite accessories, you'll see it's dominated by smaller pistols.  There was something about the delicate nature of such a small piece that captivated me.  In the 2000's, Hasbro introduced working holsters to the Joe line.  It was a concept I'd wanted since I was a kid.  Some of them worked great.  Others...didn't.  But, Hasbro did make a nice armory of new pistols.  Sadly, though, this 2004 version didn't work out so well.  It looks great.  But, the handle is just too big for figure's to use.  It will break vintage thumbs and stretch out repaint era figures.  The worst thing about it, though, is its legacy.  This pistol lead to factory custom makers using similar designs.  Instead of redoing something cool like the 1986 Hawk or 1987 Chuckles pistol, they reused large handled designs from the 2000's.  And, none of them can be used with the figures.  I have a bin full of these pistols that will either snap the thumb or simple not go into the hands of factory customs.  The weapons look good when they're lying around.  But, they are useless.

Before the end of the year, I'll wrap my favorite accessories.  The last entry includes some doozies.  In the meantime, let me know what weapons you hated.  You know you have them.  So, vent away.

2025 Walrus Man (Star Wars Retro)

One thing I always look for from modern toy companies are items that are just good products.  These require a combination of the right price, the right volume and the right innovation.  Often, these toys aren't something I even collect or have any interest in.  But, you can still see the appeal and understand that something is well done, even if it's not for you.  The 3.75" Ghostbusters o-rings are an example.  Maybe not my cup of tea.  But, they are a great product.  The most recent one, though, is the 6 figure Star Wars Retro Pack that is a Target exclusive.  This release is a perfect product.  The figures average out to $10 each.  There are 5 figures in the set that everyone has always wanted in vintage Star Wars format.  And, there are lots of new parts in the set that really add to the vintage aesthetic.  It's the type of thing that really should be a big hit among collectors and casual buyers alike.  

The Star Wars Retro line has been a fun line for me to casually collect.  Originally, it was just straight homages of existing figures with a "new" figure here and there, usually released with an expensive board game.  Then, the line began to tackle characters from Star Wars TV shows and the prequels.  Some of these were great figures.  Others were just forgotten.  The TV show figures, though, proved to be a tough retail sell.  To this day, you can find massive overstock of them at Ollie's stores around the country.  So, Hasbro pivoted away from single carded figures at retail to 6 figure boxed sets that were themed.  This was the purview of the prequel figures and those from the Acolyte.  Eventually, Hasbro got back around to what made the line's name: redos of existing figures.  The Return of the Jedi pack was only available in a box and included 4 classic remakes, a highly desired American release of Yak Face and a brand new Mon Mothma.  The set sold out quickly and tripled in price on the aftermarket.  It's now getting a second production run to fill demand.  

This background lead to the latest Retro product, a 6 figure pack of "Star Wars" figures from the first movie.  The difference, though, is that this set included 5 brand new figures with just a single remake.  It is that remake, though, that drives the focus of this profile.  Walrus Man actually holds quite a few memories for me.  From the original that my Grandmother bought my brother to the anticipation of a real "Ponda Baba" in the mid 1990's, to a super articulated version only sold at Wal Mart in the aftermath of "Rogue One", Walrus Man sparks the nostalgia like few other figures.  

In the spring of 1978, my dad took me to the local Children's Palace.  My youngest brother had just been born and was in the hospital with medical issues.  Relatives came to take care of my younger brother and I.  And, I'd see my parents for maybe a couple of hours per week.  My dad was home on a Saturday, though, and wanted to get me a treat.  We wandered the toy store, looking for something I would enjoy.  Among the multitude of toys, one thing really stood out: a golden robot action figure.  My dad bought it for me and C-3PO became the first Star Wars figure to enter my life.  I hadn't see the Star Wars movie.  But, there was something magical about this toy that just spoke to me.  At some point thereafter, my dad took me to see Star Wars.  And, I was hooked.  On Christmas day of 1978, I had 11 of original 12 figures.  My grandmother decided I needed the final figure: Obi-Wan Kenobi.  We went out shopping on the day after Christmas.  But, we couldn't find a Kenobi anywhere.  Every department store in the mall stocked Star Wars figures that year.  So, we hit several stores with no luck.  My grandmother and mother, though, split from the rest of us to shop for themselves.  At one of the department stores, my grandmother found a single Kenobi, at the back of a peg.  My dad, grandfather and brothers had actually been to that same store and didn't find a Kenobi.  But, that was because my grandmother had just been there and bought the final figure I needed for my early run.

At some point in the first half of 1979, I learned there were new Star Wars figures available.  My mother took me to a small, independent toy store that was near our house.  They had just two, new figures.  They were on a spinning rack on the check out counter.  The figures were the Death Star Droid, given to my younger brother, and Hammerhead, who was the figure I chose.  Hammerhead exploded the Star Wars world even more.  With him, there was a new world of aliens to battle against Han, Luke and Chewie.  They could even fight against Darth Vader and the rest of the bad guys.  On top of that, these new figures introduced bright, new colors to the toys.  Not only were the weird creatures exciting, they used eye-popping colors to drive home their appeal.  

Shortly before the end of my spring pre-school, my friend named Walker brought in a plastic bag full of his Star Wars figures.  Among them were all the newly released aliens.  He also had a Luke in X-Wing pilot gear.  (The timeline is murky, but I remember seeing the Luke X-Wing pilot at the front of a display box that was on sale at a toy store at the Glendale mall.  It might have been before or after Walker brought his loose one to school.)  And, weirdly, a giant, blue Snaggletooth figure that was different from the small, red one I had seen on the cardback of my Hammerhead.  I could not comprehend how cool all these items were.  I never saw Walker again as we went to different schools for kindergarten.  But, I still remember him due to the association with those amazing Star Wars figures.

As we moved into summer, I went to spend a couple of weeks with my grandparents.  Naturally, my grandmother spoiled me rotten.  And, we spent time every day going to various stores where she would fill out my Star Wars collection.  She bought me many figures during this time.  I don't recall which ones, specifically, she bought for me.  But, one day, she did feel that we should get something for my younger brother so he wasn't jealous when I went home with so many new toys.  The figure we chose was Walrus Man.  I don't know why I chose this figure for him.  And, I'm sure I got a new figure that day, too.  I don't remember who it was, though.  But, that Walrus Man called to me.  

The real reason I remember all of this vividly is because of what was next.  I was bugging my grandmother for the figure.  She decided that it would be OK if we just slipped the figure out of the packaging for a little bit and then put him back to give to my brother.  So, she took a butter knife and slit open the bubble so we could remove Walrus Man.  I then got to play with him for a while.  When done, we'd slide him back into his bubble: almost good as new.  This subterfuge implanted the figure into my mind.  When I went home and gave the figure to my brother, my mother was livid.  She was mad that my grandparents had bought me so much stuff.  But, was even madder that the one thing they got for my younger brother had been opened and played with.  My mother and grandmother had a weird and sometimes strained relationship.  Even as a little kid, I recognized this.  Much of it stemmed from the unequal treatment I received in relation to my younger siblings.  Now, my mother does the exact same thing with her grandchildren...favoring some in lieu of others.  

After that, Walrus Man became just another figure in our collection.  In time, we got duplicates.  You'd often find him in the bathtub after someone was playing with him in the water.  But, no other adventures stick out in my mind.  As I outgrew Star Wars figures and focused on G.I. Joe toys, I actually became more of a fan of the Star Wars movie.  One of my dad's friends had taped it off of HBO in the very early '80's.  So, we could watch it whenever we wanted.  I viewed it dozens and maybe even 100 times in the ensuing years.  I memorized the dialogue from the repeat viewings.  And, it became a comfort movie I'd watch whenever I had nothing else to do.  From these showings, I drew a deep appreciation for the characters in the film who never got action figures.  Sandtroopers, Rebel Troops, various cantina aliens and the doomed Rebel pilots all resonated with me and I wondered what it would have been like had those figures been released when I was a kid.

In 1995, Hasbro brought back the Star Wars line.  I was in college.  And, I could justify collecting toys that were really brought back to retail for nostalgic purposes.  The early figures were the same characters that had been part of the vintage line.  But, slowly, Hasbro began to fill out the missing pieces from the original films.  While any Star Wars figures were kind of tough to find until the fall of 1996, I found myself a dedicated collector who spent many summer evenings traipsing through stores in a vain attempt to find a newly stocked case or a forgotten scalper stash under the shelves.  As 1997 dawned, I spent more time looking up Star Wars information online.  Usually, it was in newsgroups.  But, you could find smatterings of info here and there.  Through this, I learned there was a new Walrus Man figure coming that year.  He was now under his "correct" name of Ponda Baba.  And, in addition to his single carded figure, he'd also be in a boxed set with the first Dr. Evazan figure ever released.

I don't know why the idea of a new Walrus Man appealed to me, so.  But, he did.  And, once I heard he was out, I scoured stores until I found one.  The loose figure stood in a prominent place on my desk for over a year.  The Cantina Showdown set with Dr. Evazan, though, proved harder to find.  I found it at a local Wal Mart in 1998.  With it in hand, though, I finally had the pieces of the pivotal Cantina scene in my collection.  The Evazan, though, wasn't a good figure.  And, while it was awesome to finally own all the missing pieces of my childhood, there was still something missing from the toys as the action poses really limited the figures outside of a single pose.

Ponda Baba made one final appearance in my collection.  While "Rogue One" was an amazing movie, it also lead to some pegwarming figures all over the country.  At the time, super articulated figures were sold in smaller, black boxes than the 6" figures.  They were tough to parse through.  And, many stores would stash them on shelves around the toy aisle since they took up a lot of space and, frankly, weren't selling all that well.  As I had been re-bitten by the Star Wars bug, I set out to find any original trilogy figures I could track down.  In 2017, Wal Mart got an exclusive wave of figures that included a re-release of a Ponda Baba mold.  But, my local store was knee deep in unsold figures from later films.  Fortunately, I was able to order the figure online and have him shipped to my local store.  I had to go to the back of the store to pick up the box with my figures inside.  Again, though, there was something about this new Ponda Baba figure that spoke to something inside me.  I have always had a soft spot for cantina figures.  And, once again, I thought it useful to pick up new ones when they were available.  I still have this Ponda Baba figure sitting in a case with a select few, other Star Wars figures.  I have given most of my collection to my sons.  But, this newer, more movie accurate Walrus Man remains among my small retained set of figures.

Back to the vintage figure, though, and this retro representation of him.  Why does this figure have flipper feet?  It's a wholly dumb and illogical leap to add these to the character design.  But, it was also an ingenious bit of toy design on Kenner's part.  They made Walrus Man an underwater monster.  Suddenly, you didn't need a stupid, clear plastic octopus from the Fisher Price Adventure People line to fight divers.  You had Walrus Man.  And, he was way cooler than reality based toy.  The flippers gave him that credibility and made him a good toy.  And, in the end, Star Wars figures exploded not just due to the movie's popularity, but from the fact that they were amazing playthings.  The bright colors made them appealing to kids who hadn't even seen the movie.  This made them a ubiquitous part of any childhood experience for kids of the late '70's and early '80's. 

For a hot minute, it looked like this Retro boxed set might end up as very expensive.  The Target website sold out and it seemed that the sparse allotment sent to brick and mortar stores sold out almost immediately.  Prices on the aftermarket more than doubled.  But, then, more stock appeared on the website.  And, after popping in and out of stock for about a week, the set became readily available.  It's been nearly a month, now, and the set is available to ship tomorrow.  So, that's quelled demand.  Long term?  Who knows?  Hasbro has proven that they're willing to do a second production run to meet pent up demand.  So, that bodes well should this set find good aftermarket life.  Personally, I've found that if I open them up, they'll end up a hot collectible.  And, if I keep them carded, they'll be worth less than retail.  With these figures, though, I don't really care.  The retail price was right and I've gotten my full money's worth of enjoyment out of them already.  These figures scratch a collecting itch I've been ignoring for decades.  And, while it's too late to really collect vintage Star Wars in earnest, sets like this allow me to have a few figures that I always wanted when I was a kid.  So, I hope Hasbro continues to pop a couple of these out every year.

The Zeroes - Mark IX

When I started to write this Zeroes post, I thought I must have made an error.  Last year was Mark VIII...meaning this would be the 9th year I posted something like this.  There was simply no way that could be true.  But, I didn't skip any numbers and this really is the 9th year I've looked at the site's least popular posts.  

The past year has been interesting.  I get lots of daily traffic.  But, individual posts don't get nearly the attention they used to.  Before, 600 or more hits were common within a few days of a new post going up.  Now, it's well under 200.  Despite that, overall site traffic is up.  The massive archive on a currently active blog seems to help drive search results.  And, in turn, funnel some visitors to the site.  

The upside, though, is that engagement is higher.  Posts tend to get more comments.  I'd rather have a smaller, more engaged audience than a broader one who is passe.  I love seeing discussions and the points made in the comments.  (I appreciate the corrections, too.)  So, I'll take that over some fire and forget moment on a crappy social media site.

With no further adieu, here's the worsts performing new posts of the past year:

Cobra Trooper Driver (Red Laser Army) - 284 Views

The days of Red Laser Army profiles getting big views has passed.  A few years ago, they were surefire hits.  But, as it's been 7 years since he last produced figures, the popularity of his releases has faded into memory.  You rarely see the Red Laser figures used in photos.  And, those who do appear tend to be the same 5 or 6 figures.  And, this Cobra Driver isn't among them.  Which is too bad since this is a decent release.  It doesn't do all that much.  But, it doesn't have to.  You now have a driver that looks like every custom Cobra Driver that was kitbashed and painted up back in the 1990's.  But, that's OK.  This guy was supposed to fill a niche.  And, he does that admirably.

Grey Night Viper (Black Major) - 255 Views

People like the Night Viper.  And, generally, they also like Black Major figures.  But, this one was an older figure.  And, for many long time collectors, these types of throwbacks can be passe.  This is a great color scheme for the Night Viper  mold, though.  And, it deserved a better fate.

1984 Copperhead - 249 Views

This was my second look at Copperhead, the first being more than 20 years ago.  The figure has held up quite well.  But, he didn't seem to capture anyone's attention.  Copperhead appears to retain about the same level of popularity that he's always had.  Which is to say that people appreciate him.  But, they're not going out of their way to make him their favorite.

1982 RAM - 229 Views

Usually, 1982 items do fairly well.  The RAM did not, though.  Part of that may have been the time of year.  For an iconic part of the line, the RAM didn't garner much attention.  Maybe it will take on more interest the 2nd time around.

Gatilho - Python Patrol Airborne - 213 Views

I'd been trying to write an updated Gatilho profile for about 7 years.  I had to proofread it a bunch of times to make sure I got all the historical math correct as I'd talk about the original profile like it was 15 years old instead of 20.  Regardless, the days of figures like Gatilho making a splash seem to be gone.  The figure is common enough that many collectors own it.  And, the character has appeared a few times in other sculpting styles.  So, he's not as unique as he once was.  

G.I. Joe #36 - 201 Views

With my figure reserves running low, the vintage comics are an area I'll expand into more and more.  They are a treasure trove of alternate looks for many characters.  And, re-reading them is proving to be a soothsaying exercise due to Hama's writing.  As for this issue, it didn't do great numbers.  But, I still have fond memories of it.  So, comics will be a thing you see more in the next 12 months.

So, that wraps up last year's duds.  This year's Rarities Month did pretty well.  I was happy with the content.  I've got some profiles mostly ready to round out the summer.  But, I still haven't acquired any new Joe figures in over 18 months.  I don't really miss it, to be honest.  And, as I find more and more figures starting to discolor, my desire to expand my vintage collection is really waning every day.  I'm finding more interest in ephemera and looking at oddball coincidences I can find in the line.  Those are fun to work out.  Hopefully,  I'll get the photos for them before my collection goes back into storage...again.  Hopefully, that will be settled by the fall and I'll be able to get some photos before all the leaves are gone.

Until then, continue stopping by to check out new features, photos and profiles.

Rarities & Oddities Month - 2025

I'm putting together Rarities Month for this year.  And, I don't really have much left.  The last few years have been a seller's market in the Joe world.  We've seen fewer and fewer items change hands.  Guys are holding onto things as they acquire them.  20 years ago, people would buy a rare item, hold it for a while and then sell it to buy another rare item.  Now, they just hold onto everything and keep acquiring.  It makes for a stagnant market.  So, we don't have the deluge of rare and oddball items hitting the marketplace.  Those that do, though, are often hidden in private uber-groups of select, well heeled collectors so that people like me don't make the information public.  So, this year is going to focus on some different aspects of the hobby.  There's going to be some pre-production photography, catalog imagery and other ephemera.  So, stop by throughout the month and check it out.

Dogs

I have dogs.  I've had dogs for 25 years.  In that time, they've done relatively little damage to my collection.  Shortly after we moved into our first house back in 2000, our first dog came walking out of my Joe room with a Tomahawk chopper blade in his mouth.  I took it from him with no damage and he never went after another of my toys again.  That crop of dogs lasted from 2000 through 2018.  They left my stuff alone.

In 2020, we broke down and got another dog.  She is a rescue who was found wandering a reservation in New Mexico.  She's a great dog who is nothing but sweet and loving.  Her one flaw is that she does like to chew on plastic.  However, she's been pretty choosy in what she goes after.  Our boys have left toys on the floor for her whole life.  But, eventually, something got her attention and she did start to chew on certain items.  

Every now and then, she'd pick up a spare Lego.  Mostly, she'd play with it in her mouth.  But, then, she chewed up a couple of Clone Troopers.  Those were tough to lose as the boys loved them.  She got in trouble for it and we gave her more of her own chew toys.  But, every now and then, the temptation was too great and we'd find another Clone or a Batman figure chewed up in the living room.  (She really liked Clones for some reason.)  We used as an occasion to teach the kids to pick up their stuff.  

As a collector, I'm a spreader.  Rather than keep things nice and neat, I'll often spread things out on tables, desks, chairs and floors.  I do this to quickly sort things.  But, it's also a way for me to find something I'm looking for.  I have tons of unsorted baggies and shoeboxes of various parts and pieces from the Joe line.  So, it's not uncommon for me to have several areas covered in toys.  When I get busy, these things might sit out for months.  They're in the basement, out of sight and out of mind.  The dog goes down there.  But, she's never touched anything of mine.

Yesterday, though, I had a bit of time and really wanted to replace a couple of worn out shoeboxes that held some parts.  So, I brought two old boxes of stuff up to my office to work on moving to a new box during the day.  One of the boxes contained all of my unused weapon trees from figures I opened back in the '90's and early 2000's.  I love weapon trees.  I think they're really fun.  And, I kept a lot of them still on the sprues as I liked the look and wanted to have them around should I ever need them.  These were in a box in the basement that wasn't covered.  The lid of the box had gotten broken in one move or another.  So, I wanted to get them into a new shoebox with an attached lid.

I brought them up, moved them over and sorted the other baggies in the box.  (They were filled with various Battle Gear weapons.)  I arranged the trees by color.  In the old box, I had the black weapons on bottom, then grey, silver, purple, yellow and red.  In the new box, for just some variety, I switched and put them in reverse order with the black weapons on top.  I got the box all packed up.  But, I remembered that I had a couple of other baggies of Battle Gear weapons in the closet.  Before I closed the box lid, I wanted to go get those weapons.  I wasn't in a hurry.  As the afternoon wore on, it was time to get the kids from various practices and meets.  It's a multi-hour process.  So, I left.

When I came home, the house was dark.  As I turned on a couple of lights in the kitchen, I could see something on the floor on the living room carpet.  Immediately, my heart sunk.  These could only be some of my toys.  I turned on more lights.  And, sure enough, my dog had decided to go into my office, remove some of the weapon trees from the open shoe box and chew them into oblivion!

Because of the series of innocuous decisions of the day, she grabbed all my favorite black weapon trees along with the grey and silver.  The black trees are more nostalgic to me.  I've had them for 30 years, now.  They are common and replaceable.  The grey tree, though, was from the 1994 Payload figure.  Not an easy one to track down.  At least I have a spare set of loose weapons for the figure.  The silver tree, though, was one I hadn't placed when I looked at it earlier in the day.  It had a silver MP-5.  This mold is one of my favorite weapons.  And, I didn't recognize it in silver.

It was only after I posted about it that General Liederkranz gave me the horrifying news that the silver tree is from the 1994 Ozone figure.  Ozone might be the single rarest Joe released on a card.  He's gotten stupidly expensive.  And, I only have a loose one because I was able to pick up a spare carded version for a couple of bucks back in the late 1990's.  I never took his weapons off the tree because the tree was rare and I liked the look of the silver.  And, now, it's gone.

Here is the aftermath:

Fortunately, she seemed to focus her chewing on the more substantive stands.  So, while those were largely destroyed, a few weapons did make it out intact.  Most notably, the silver MP-5 managed to survive with little to no damage.  So, small blessings.  Here's what was somewhat salvageable:

I was fortunate.  Right next to the box with these weapon trees was a drawer full of 2023 Black Major figures.  She could have eaten those instead.  I think there's something about the softer plastic that she really likes.  That's why she eats Clones but really leaves the much more common Legos alone.  

So, a tough day for my Joe collection.  A tough day for me to learn some lessons, too.  It certainly could have been worse.  There were pieces of sprue all over the living room.  And, I'm sure she ate a lot of plastic.  But, she seems OK over 12 hours later.  I gave her extra food to help process the plastic through.  And, I'll find brightly colored waste in the yard when I start mowing again in a few weeks.  But, I can buy more toys, should I want them.  And, the dog is tough.  She lived on her own in the desert for quite a while.  So, we'll be OK.  It was just a surprise to walk into last night!