1987 Royal Guard

1987 was the apex of my childhood Joe collection.  I had found the first figures of the year in the weeks before Christmas in 1986.  Falcon and Cobra Commander entered into my collection and expanded the final story line of my childhood Joe world.  I began 1987 on a sprint to complete the single, carded figure line.  And, as it turned out to be a wet year that meant lots of lawn mowing money, I had the cash to pick up vehicles as I found them, too.  Upon the acquisition of my first 1987 catalog, I saw a single, weird item.  Tucked among the Cobra offerings was a bizarre three pack of Cobra La figures.  They were noted as "living organisms" and featured a figure that looked like he was affixed to a stone base.  I had no idea what this pack could be.  But, there were enough other new items in the catalog to relegate the Cobra La to insignificance.  

Sometime in the summer of 1987, on a routine trip to the local Toys R Us store, I found the newly released 3-packs from the catalog.  There were rows of Renegades and Cobra La.  I discovered the "statue" figure was actually a snake.  I'd later learn that his tail would never coil into the pose from the catalog.  But, the reality of the pack was that I had no desire to buy it.  The Renegades were far more enticing.  So, I cracked open the green wallet I carried at the time and bought myself the Renegades pack.  Feeling sorry for my little brother, though, my mother decided to buy him the Cobra La pack.  I was fine with him having it as I wanted every G.I. Joe figure to be part of our collection.  I just didn't want to spend any money on weird figures.  On the drive home, I read over the Cobra La filecards.  I still couldn't make any sense of them.  They didn't fit with any of the Joe mythos from the cartoon or the comic.  The didn't even match other figures.  Their purpose was a mystery.

I have mentioned many times that I have never seen the G.I. Joe movie.  For some reason, the movie did not air in our local market in 1987.  Instead, my friends down the street saw it when they were out of town for a week.  When they returned, the told a fantastical tale of a movie where Cobra Commander turns into a monster and Joes were voiced by stars like Don Johnson.  There was no way this could be true.  I listened to their description  of the plot.  It was here that they mentioned a bit about Cobra La.  Mostly, they recalled the new Cobra chant that added the "lalala" on the end.  On some level, I thought it was all a hoax.  But, on another, their description was too detailed and consistent to be anything but real.  It wasn't until much later that I learned the movie was an actual thing.  By then, though, I was pretty much done with Joe.  So, I had no interest and didn't watch it.

This raises the question of why I haven't bothered to watch it in the ensuing decades.  For a long time, seeking out the movie required effort and money.  I wasn't going to spend anything to see it.  And, the movie wasn't a significant part of Joe culture.  As the film became more available, though, a different malaise set in.  Not seeing the movie was a badge of honor, of sorts.  As I was a comic guy, not seeing the move gave me message board cred.  It's dumb.  But, we're all kind of dumb in our early twenties.  And, as I got over that nonsense, it opened me up to, maybe, watching the movie.  

Which brings us to the reason I still haven't watched it today.  At some point in the 2010's, the G.I. Joe cartoon would air on various channels.  Usually, it was really late at night.  I was up at some point one night and found the cartoon was airing.  So, I turned on a random episode.  And, it was, not good.  It wasn't the type of bad where you can find guilty pleasure in liking it.  It was cringeworthy.  After a few minutes, I turned it off.  I simply couldn't watch it.

Now, many of you reading this still like the cartoon.  I know Joe fans who watch it every year and even some who just always have it on in the background in their collection room.  If you still like the cartoon, good!  I'm glad you do.  My dislike of the cartoon has to do with me and my personal tastes and doesn't invalidate your enjoyment.  I liked the cartoon back when I was 11 and 12.  But, it's no longer my thing.  I should also note that upon re-reading many Joe comics, I find similar issues.  There are things I enjoyed as a kid that I find groan-worthy today.  It's OK to both recognize that you loved something when you were younger but have also outgrown it as an adult.  

All of which is a roundabout way to say that I had no idea what the purpose of Cobra La was.  And, I certainly had no inclination of how to use the figures in their "canonical" context.  What I found when my brother opened up the Cobra La three pack was a useless spike of a figure who couldn't do anything, a bland second figure that lacked any cachet and, a really useful and fun figure that kind of solved a role I had long wanted for my Cobra armies and was also really cool looking.  This third figure was the Royal Guard.  

On the card art for Cobra La, Nemesis Enforcer is wearing bat wings.  This left the green tentacles that were packaged with him as an odd, extra accessory.  I assumed it was meant for one of the other figures.  The colors kind of matched with Golobulus.  As he wasn't a figure I was ever going to use, though, it made no sense to give them to him.  I thought the tentacles were the coolest accessory in  the set.  The green color was great.  And, they had little, sculpted suction cups that made them seem like a really fun item to have around.  So, I gave these to the Royal Guard.  The green against the red wasn't the color combo I had hoped it would be.  But, it worked well enough.  And, from that day, I forever associated the tentacles with the Royal Guard figure.

I had to find a greater purpose for the Royal Guard, though.  The heavy, armored plates on the figure screamed a heavy weapons operator.  But, they also suggested a jet pack like trooper.  In 1987, flight in my Joe world heavily revolved around small aircraft.  So, it was an easy leap to have the tentacles work like bug wings that allowed the Royal Guard to fly.  They were humans encased in heavy armor to protect them in crashes.  This was a far cry from the Joes who allowed their jet pack troopers to be armor less.  It was the usage of the Royal Guard and his protective gear that lead me to adopt Maverick as the Joe jetpack trooper as 1987 ended.  The Royal Guards became specialized Cobra units who could fly into a Joe base and wreak quick havoc.  Their armor was heavy enough to resist small arms fire.  So, it was difficult to shoot them out of the sky.  They'd serve either as an attack squadron.  Or, as a relief/rescue patrol who would appear late in a battle to save Cobra hierarchy who had been taken prisoner.  Or, to simply provide cover while Cobra escaped.

The Royal Guard's usage didn't end there.  The tentacles served a second purpose: they could be detached and used to capture Joes.  The individual arms would wrap around a hapless good guy and hold with an unbreakable grip.  The small suction cups on the wings would grab onto the victim and dig into his skin.  They would then wrap tighter and tighter.  The prey could be subdued for extraction with the wings.  Or, they could be constricted out of existence.  The limiting factor on the toy, though, is that the arms aren't that long and they didn't hold their shape.  So, the idea of the wings grabbing onto someone and squeezing them to near death was far more fun than the actual playing of the same scenario.  But, the threat that the tentacles could be deployed was enough to keep many Joes away from the Royal Guard should he appear in battle.  

In the mid 1990's, I had just a shoebox of old figures that was leftover from childhood.  I did have a nice LEGO tub full of nicely conditioned and complete figures.  But, I didn't want to use them.  In the shoebox was a hodge-podge of unloved figures from my youth.  There were Dreadnoks, Quick Kick and all the Cobra La figures among some other long broken examples of figures I had liked.  These remnants formed unnamed legions who would do battle against the sparse figures I would acquire at retail during this time.  Among the figures in this box were the Royal Guard and the Nullifier.  As I was mostly focused on buying Joes at the time (and, Cobras were much harder to find!), I needed enemies for them.  The Royal Guard and Nullifer were solid choices.  I liked that both were heavily armored.  And, both of them were good fits for some of the large, 1990's weapon tree weapons.  So, both of these figures became Cobra heavy gunners.  They would carry big machine guns or some of the hand held artillery weapons that were superfluous on the weapon trees and lay waste to my army of new Joes.

As I acquired more Cobra figures, though, this purpose faded away.  The Royal Guard was the first to go.  He didn't have his antenna.  (Though, the Nullifier didn't have his face shield, either!)  And, he just didn't really have enough cachet to stick around when compared to the 1993 and 1994 figures that were become the bulk of my collection.  He was dumped back into the shoebox and stayed there until 1999 or so.  The Nullifer fared better.  He'd wield the black Airwave rifle from the 1993 Leatherneck well into my adult collecting years.  You can even read about him still getting usage in this capacity on the profile I wrote on him in the earliest days of this website.  The Royal Guard's days were done, though.  The figure went into a drawer with the rest of the 1987 Cobras.  

In 2000, though, I picked up an amazing collection from a collector.  It was a mostly complete run of figures and vehicles from 1983 through 1986.  There were some beautiful 1987 figures included, too.  Among them were a complete set of Cobra La figures.  I promptly did the same thing with them that I had done with my childhood versions: dumped into a drawer.  They stayed there until the late '00's when I purged my collection.  My many Golobulus and Nemesis Enforcer figures were all liquidated.  As were all my incomplete Royal Guards.  But, for some reason, I held onto the single complete specimen that I still owned.  I'm not sure why I kept him.  It was likely just because the buyer's market of that era wasn't going to yield a selling price I thought was commensurate with the rarity of his accessories.  But, I kept this lone Cobra La member.

Again, for many years, I didn't do anything with the figure.  There's one photo of him in the late '00's.  And, one more in the mid '10's.  Mostly, he was stuck in the back of the 1987 Cobra drawer and I didn't think much of him.  As the '20's dawned, though, I was looking for obscure figures who hadn't seen much spotlight in my photographs.  This brought me back to the Royal Guard.  His detailed sculpt, sharp colors and interesting design were enough to compel me to take some photos.  And, in doing so, I rediscovered the quality of the figure.  I'm past the point of seeing him as a flying, armored Cobra.  And, I embrace the weird.  The Royal Guard is a fun figure to photograph and works extremely well with both his contemporary releases as well as late in the line oddballs like Star Brigade and Mega Marines.  He's never going to be a personal favorite.  But, the Royal Guard's attributes are enjoyable and fun.  

The Royal Guard was used just this one time by Hasbro.  In Europe, the Slaughter's Renegades were released on single cards.  But, Cobra La didn't get the same treatment.  Mercer and Red Dog were both released internationally, in Brazil and India, respectively.  But, again, no Cobra La figures showed up.  Hasbro must have known they'd be a tougher sell than the Renegades.  During the early 2000's, cartoon figures were still fairly taboo.  So, the odds of seeing them in a Toys R Us set was zero.  It was finally during the Anniversary era that we saw the glimpse of Cobra La returning.  In the new format, a figures like Nemesis Enforcer could be given his scale from the cartoon.  While this figure was well received, it also hung around a lot.  With the advent of Classified, Cobra La has taken on new significance as we've seen some amazing takes of Cobra La characters in this format: the Royal Guard among them.  For 3 3/4' fans, Super7 made a newly colored and molded version of the Royal Guard.  It's drastically different from the Hasbro figure.  It might be more cartoon accurate.  But, my point of reference is the toys.  So, I found it far inferior to Hasbro's figure.  It sold out fairly quickly, though.  So there was a pent up demand for the character.

Royal Guards are expensive.  The antenna is the expensive piece.  Mint and complete figures run in the $40+ range.  Dealers charge a lot more due to low supply.  There are lots of 3D printed replacement antennas out there.  So, be sure to confirm any antenna is original.  There really aren't any affordable alternatives for this character.  But, figures without the antenna can be had substantially cheaper.  So, you can build up an army of antenna-less figures far more reasonably.  I wish I'd taken advantage of cheaper prices in the 2010's and picked up a couple more Royal Guards.  They look great in multiples.  But, it's also a character who I don't really use much.  And, his long ago purpose of a heavy armor Cobra Trooper is long gone: replaced with other figures who are better suited to the role.  Despite that, he has value just for his overall quality.  So, he's the type of figure who's going to get taken out every 15-18 months when the conditions match up well with his colors.  That's a better fate than many other figures ever experience.

Pythona

I have never seen the G.I. Joe movie.  It was not aired in my local market back in 1987.  In fact, I only learned about it from some friends who lived down the street.  They came back from being out of town and excitedly told me about this crazy movie.  It had real movie stars.  And, it had some weird bugs that turned Cobra Commander into a lizard.  The entire thing was completely unbelievable.  Their devotion to the bit made me think this "movie" was real.  But, in the back of my head, I still thought it was just a practical joke.

Eventually, the movie aired on a local station.  I saw that there were famous performers who starred in it.  But, it was late 1987 and I was pretty much done with Joe.  So, I didn't watch it.  And, in the ensuing 38 years, I've never had interest in rectifying this situation.  I was raised on the comic and my focus on Joe was related to the comic world.  I watched the G.I. Joe mini-series starting in 1983.  But, I didn't really remember any of them.  I watched the daily cartoon when it debuted.  But, again, it didn't really stick.  (And, the one time I tried to watch an episode as an adult, I didn't even last 5 minutes before turning it off.  It's bad.)  The cartoon was kind of an in-and-out experience where I watched it, but didn't care about it.  I have more recollections of the Transformers cartoon than I do the Joe version.  

All that is to say, I really have no background on Pythona.  My only experience with her was from other collectors who made customs or talked about her.  But, frankly, she wasn't a force in the early days of online collectordom.  Cartoon fans were largely drummed out of the community back in the 1990's in favor of comic universe focus.  I mentioned to a friend a few weeks ago that I really do wonder what might have happened had the club not decided to attack the cartoon focused Zartan's Domain website back in the 1990's.  It was the largest and most popular G.I. Joe site of the time.  But, some cretins did a whole bunch of, frankly, illegal stuff to harass the site's owner and, eventually, get him to close down the site.  With it gone, the collector focus turned almost 100% to the comic continuity.  Eventually, this manifested with the Comic Pack toys in the mid '00's.  I do believe that cartoon designs would have garnered more of Hasbro attention had their not been a concerted effort to relegate the cartoon to second tier status.  Just another example of the long history of Joe fans getting screwed over by a few people who happened to have Hasbro's ear.

That brings us to this figure, though.  Super7 pretty much has the Joe license because the owner loved the cartoon and the Joe movie.  And, from the ReAction days, the line has always been heavily cartoon favored with a few comic homages tossed in.  So, seeing Pythona isn't, really, a surprise.  The Joe fanbase has, mostly, moved on from the comic vs. cartoon schism of the early days.  Good figure ideas appear everywhere.  But, the cartoon has been eking out popularity gains for nearly two decades, now.  There were some figures in the anniversary era that touched on the animation.  But, Super7's foray into action figures has given the cartoon the representation it missed from the first twenty years of this century.

Personally, I don't much care for the ReAction+ figures.  The human heads look weird and don't mesh with vintage figures.  But, the non-humans are pretty solid.  The overall smoothness and lack of raised details really limits the figures.  But, the colors are spectacular.  All of which adds up to a Pythona figure that looks really nice.  Pythona's design is, by its very nature, smooth and absent of details.  So, Super7's sculpting limitations aren't in play.  Her colors are eye-popping.  And, they are well captured here.  And, Pythona's not supposed to be human.  So, the odd shaping and overblown size of her head work in her favor.  In short, this looks like a good figure.

And, it's likely to be the next Super7 figure I buy.  Normally, I'd have saved up all this bloviating for her profile.  But, there's no guarantee I'll find her at retail.  I'm not going to pay shipping on a $25 figure.  So, I'm going to be dependent upon my local Target store carrying this wave.  I don't much go to Target any more.  I've been 1 time this year to pick up the Star Wars retro pack.  So, I'm not likely to stumble across her on a routine trip to the store.  (All of this assumes, of course, that this wave will even be available at retail.....)  So, there's no guarantee I'll acquire Pythona.  Which, would kind of be a shame.  She's weird and colorful in a way that really appeals to me.  My extent of her usage would be some photos along with the Power Commandos.  But, that's a better fate than most figures I've acquired in the last decade.  The upside is that I'm content with not owning the figure.  She was not a part of the G.I. Joe I ever knew.  So, I have no attachment that would send me spiraling to buy one by any means necessary.  Even though I suspect that she'll find some decent after market appreciation after she's sold out, I'm OK with missing her.  I'd prefer not to, of course.  So, we'll see how things play out over the next few weeks and if she ever shows up via an avenue I'm willing to take to acquire her.

1987 Cobra La Royal Guard - Around The Web

 In my great Joe purge, I got rid of pretty much anything that wasn't important to me.  But, somehow, this 1987 Royal Guard from the Cobra La set survived.  I'm not sure if I kept him since I had the antennae.  Or, if it was just dumb luck that he was left behind.  Either way, I'm glad he stayed in my collection as, now, he's stupidly expensive and I'd never spend the going rate to get a complete version.  There's tons of amazing content on this figure available.  Scroll through the links and you'll see some great work by Joe photographers.

1987 Royal Guard Profile

1987 Royal Guard at Nekoman's Viper Pit

1987 Royal Guard by Purple Cobra 75

1987 Royal Guard by primordial_earth_84

1987 Royal Guard by ironman3719

1987 Royal Guard by Dok Sewage

1987 Royal Guard by yotothejoe

1987 Royal Guard by Night Force Tunnel Rat

1987 Royal Guard by robstoycollection

1987 Royal Guard by lightscameraactionfigures

1987 Guard by misanthropic_git

1987 Royal Guard by Nekoman

1987 Royal Guard by Special Mission Force

1987 Royal Guard by Purple Cobra 75

1987 Royal Guard by discovolante

1987 Royal Guard by SteelBrigade

1987 Royal Guard by Dr. Modulok

1987 Royal Guard by hanover_h.a.v.o.c.

1987 Royal Guard by giannis_toys_dios

1987 Royal Guard by Purple Cobra 75

1987 Royal Guard by chris porostosky

1987 Royal Guard by strikeforce_codename

1987 Royal Guard by golden_cobra_79

1987 Royal Guard by gijoe_80s_kid

1987 Royal Guard by thedustinmccoy

1987 Nemesis Enforcer

I am not a fan of Cobra La.  I never have been.  Even as a kid in 1987, I couldn't figure out why something like Cobra La was introduced into the Joe world.  For some reason, even as a adult, I am more forgiving of aliens, robots and genetic mutations than I am of Cobra La.  I think this comes from the fact that the characters were so odd for the time.  In 1994, including the Lunartix was an extension of the Armor Tech and astronauts that had come before.  Cobra La had no such soft introduction.  Suddently, Joe went from reality based military themed toy to full scale fantasy.

As a kid, I did not own Cobra La.  I purchased Slaughter's Renegades while my younger brother picked up Cobra La.  (This was by design as I knew Cobra La sucked and I wanted Mercer in my possession.)  Once we had thee figures in house, though, I felt obligated to try to use them in some capacity. The Royal Guard slowly found a role as a Cobra diver, pilot, flying trooper or heavy armor soldier. He was never the primary focus of any battle, but he did get some use. Golobulus was simply useless. The tail did not translate to a toy and was of no use. Even his weapon was terrible. Nemesis Enforcer fell somewhere in the middle. The figure was human enough to pass for a random bad guy. But, I had no real character in mind for him.

Mostly, the Nemesis Enforcer became a faceless villain whose main goal was to be killed by Joe or Cobra forces. He might have been the albino leader of a group of dissatisfied students, a disfigured solider bent on revenge or just some random guy who happened to get a gun a tried to rob a bank. Regardless, the figure's main goal was die without me having to sacrifice one of my good figures for the role. The result was that my childhood Nemesis Enforcer survived in remarkably good condition compared to many of his contemporaries. As an adult collector, Cobra La has no home in my collection. I have purged all but the Royal Guard and he remains only due to an oversight. I don't have a connection to the characters or figures in any way. So, there is no reason for them to take up a space in my collection any more.

The Nemesis Enforcer mold was only used this one time in the U.S.  Hasbro realized their folly on Cobra La and buried the molds...never to be seen again.  Really, this is too bad.  Funskool might have done something very interesting with this guy.  Really, collectors would have likely enjoyed a Cobra La repaint set during the repaint era.  The molds aren't terrible and Nemesis Enforcer could easily be converted to a more conventional Cobra villain. The character was revisted in the Anniversary line in a more movie accurate design. So, fans of the character do have at least one other option available.

Nemesis Enforcer figures can be pricey.  At times, they will exceed $20 for a mint, complete with filecard figure.  But, other times, you can get them cheaper.  Some collectors love this figure and consider the cartoon characters to be more important than anyone heavily utilized in the comic.  As such, this figure has its following.  Other collectors, though, couldn't care less about Cobra La and don't spend much time seeking them out.  As a mold, the Nemesis Enforcer has great potential.  Saddled with the baggage of the G.I. Joe Movie, though, the character is tough to get behind.  Still, the figure is a reminder of what the Joe line was in 1987 and was a harbringer of things to come as the line progressed. In that regard, the figure has some value. But, to me, this guy will always be an aberration.

1987 Cobra La Royal Guard

I know. I can't believe it either. I'm actually profiling a figure from Cobra-La. What's even worse; I'm about to tell you how this figure is very cool and should be a part of your collection. Truthfully, I feel dirty. I'm going to espouse the single most hated concept in all of Joedom. Cobra-La is held in lower regard than Star Brigade, Ninja Force, Mega Marines, and, dare I say it, Eco Warriors. While those concepts were far fetched, the hidden society of bug people living in the Himalayas was too far off the deep end. Putting Cobra-La aside, though, allows you to enjoy what is actually a very nice figure. While Golobulus and the Nemesis Enforcer don't work for much, the Royal Guard is a versatile figure that can have uses even in the most reality based situations.

When I first got the Cobra-La set, Golobulus and the Nemesis Enforcer went into a junk box from which they only recenltly escaped. The Royal Guard, though, immediately found his way into a heavy play rotation. He is highly reminiscent of the Emporer's Royal Guards from Star Wars. I think that was part of his appeal. I also liked the heavy armour that covers the Guard's body. From the get-go, this guy was a heavy infantry trooper. (Of course, the next year I replaced this guy with the Nullifier, who occupies the heavy infantry trooper moniker to this very day.) Once that phase was over, the Royal Guard found a home as the drone pilots who flew the pods from the Mamba helicopter. The head looks like it could be some sort of futuristic helmet and he fit very nicely in the pod's cockpit. (It also helped that I had two Royal Guards, one for each pod.)

While this kept the Royal Guard busy for many, many years, I've recently began to use them again. These guys do work as underwater troops, but I have enough other figures I've bastardized for that purpose. (See the Toxo Viper for more details.) This guy, though, has become a specialty trooper. I like Crimson Guards watching over my Cobra Commander. This guy, though, has found use guarding other Cobra hierarchy. Scrap Iron and Metal Head both use these guys to keep other, younger, and more ruthless Cobras from taking over their positions. It is in this capacity that I've found the Royal Guard to be very fun to use. I also use them as Cobra prison guards. The Joes have many, many figures that can easily be used as prison guards, but Cobra needs them as well. The heavy armor and covered face looks just like the tough cookie that would have to break heads in a Cobra prison.

There is another reason I chose to profile this figure. The Royal Guard comes with an antenna that I consider one of the five hardest accessories to find for any Joe figure. (Heavy Metal and Lift Ticket's mouthpieces are first, followed closely by Sneek Peek's, the 1984 Firefly's walkie talkie is the other.) This thing is damn near impossible to find. Very few Royal Guards that you find on the second hand market have this tough accessory. Expect to pay for those who do, though. Without the antenna, these guys are still useable. With the antenna, they are just that much better. Like most of the toughest accessories, the lack of the antenna doesn't ruin the figure. I had three of these for years. None of them had the antenna, but they all got use. Now that I've finally got one with the antenna, I really don't use him as much. I have a feeling, though, that these guys will make a reappearance before too long.

Royal Guards are extremely tough to find if you want them complete. They are remarkably easy though, to get without the antenna or gun. It seems that tons of people had the Cobra-La set, but no one wants to admit it. The steady stream of these guys that appears on the second hand market, though, seems to indicate that this figure was used in many people's collections. Incomplete Royal Guards, therefore, don't command a premium. In fact, you can usually pick them up for under three or four dollars. Complete Guards, though, can get quite a bit more expensive. Many collectors who are sticklers about the completeness of their figures count the Royal Guard as one of the few they have incomplete. Still, this guy is Cobra-La and there are many people who simply disregard him for that reason. If you can put the Cobra-La behind this figure, though, he makes an excellent addition to your collection. As more and more people forget about the terrible G.I. Joe movie, figures like the Royal Guard will be judged solely upon themselves as a figure. When taken that way, the Royal Guard is well worth extra attention.

I like this figure, but can't stand the concept behind him. What is your opinion? Let me know.